I am not my possessions

The other day I was betrayed by what I thought was a good friend of mine. I went through a series of emotions, but the most overwhelming one was sadness. I was hurt because I thought this person was really my friend; I thought that if anything was wrong she would tell me. I knew there was a problem, but I am not one to try to guess what your problem is. I heard rumors, but I am not one to listen to rumors either… so I waited; I waited for her to tell me. She didn’t.

Eventually, I found out what the problem was and it was ridiculously petty.  To be perfectly honest, I’m a little insulted at how petty it is. The truth is I did nothing to her. In fact, her own insecurities are the one to blame and be upset with.

I went over it in my head what I would say to her if I ever saw her, or if she ever reached out to me. But the overwhelming feeling is why? What good would come out of it and what gratification would I get? The obvious answer is: none. Me reading my resume, talking about what cars I drive, where I live, where I shop, how much money I make, where I work, and what type of shoes I wear are foolish. In fact that just puts me on her level. The thought that possessions dictate who a person is, to me, are a clear indicator of insecurities and low self esteem. Don’t get me wrong, I am not knocking people for accomplishing things in life but my self-worth are not my possessions. Despite what worldly possessions I have gathered, I am no better than the next person.

Instead of entertaining a petty argument, I’ll choose the high road…something she can’t seem to ever find.

Mirror, Mirror on the Wall...?

Before you start nitpicking on someone else, please take a LONG, HARD look at YOURSELF in the mirror! Until you start judging men on their character and NOT superficial traits you will remain single. Ladies, the same way you are sizing him up and creating ridiculous "deal breakers", he (and probably every other man that is observing your behavior) is doing the same.

You never know who is watching; remember its in your best interest to be friendly or at least cordial with people who approach you...unless they are being disrespectful. You ever wonder why no men are talking to you, or approaching you? Its probably because they noticed how you responded to the last brave soul that took a chance on you.

Smile, be happy, have a good attitude and be respectful. Most importantly remember that no one is perfect, not even you.

Shoulda, Coulda, Woulda's

Don’t you just hate it when you wished you said this or if you could do it all over again you would have handled things differently? Those are called the “shoulda, coulda, woulda’s” and they, in my opinion, are the root causes of resentment, anger and guilt. The deep pressure in your chest, and the reason you may lose sleep are there, usually because, you would give almost anything to handle the situation differently.

In order to avoid shoulda, coulda, woulda’s, try making every attempt to reach out to someone-- BUT only do it ONCE.

I’ve cut many relationships off and I’ve been cut off as well; it all comes with the territory when maturing and growing (sometimes outgrowing) people. I don’t have ill feelings though, it is what it is. In almost all my disagreements I am VERY clear to the other party as to why I am upset, there shouldn’t be any confusion as to why I no longer want to continue the relationship. Unfortunately, that courtesy is hardly ever reciprocated. Here is where my solitary attempt to reach out comes in; I will reach out, inquire or attempt to have a discussion to resolve the issues. The way those attempts at communication are handled by the other party should be closely observed; remember actions speak louder than words. Let me break it down for you: LOOK! Don’t listen.

After you have attempted to resolve the issue, you have done your due diligence. Don’t try again. Regrettably, you’ll be completely clueless as to what they are upset about; however you know you gave it your best effort for it not to get there.

The sad reality is people allow assumptions in their mind (and sometimes formed by others) to become truth. They don’t ask any questions, or stop and think to themselves if “what they’ve heard” makes any sense (it usually doesn’t). I’ve come to the conclusion that these assumptions became so ridiculous that they are too embarrassed to admit their gullibility or insecurity. As long as I know I reached out to them to clear the air; it’s on them.

Find a better FLOCK!

It completely disgusts me; low self-esteem, lack of self confidence, the continuous need of approval from others and the anxiety over what others might think. The folks that suffer from these “ailments” are easy to spot. They are in poor relationships, they don’t want to let go of the poor relationships, they are continuously sizing other people up, they are hardly ever upfront and say what’s on their mind and they continuously put themselves in the position to take crap from someone else.

Don’t worry, if you suffer from these ailments there is a cure! And it’s really not easier said than done…DO YOU! Yes Ladies and Gents that’s the simple cure. Wear what you want, go where you want, say what you want, stand up for yourself, maintain self respect and integrity, and don’t be afraid to tell people how you feel. Now I am not advising you to become a complete prick but stand up for yourself, just enough, to not be a doormat.

It’s been my experience, that in order for friendships to last with me, the other person’s value of themselves has to be high. For whatever reason, I just can’t seem to maintain friendships with people who have low-self esteem and a lack of self confidence. It’s hard at first when the friendship disintegrates (although its inevitable), but when I think about how much effort I have to put into that relationship, I begin to realize how much of a crutch I was to them and how much my abundance of confidence may have been a deterrent. The saying is true: birds of a feather flock together. My group of friends has evolved over the years but with each change, the likeness of my friends has evened out. I can truly say at this point I am surrounded by strong willed, go getter, no nonsense women. None of them are lacking in confidence what so ever; we can communicate, no ill feelings are harbored and we empower each other. Most importantly, our conversations are ALWAYS positive!

I leave you with this: If you are in a friendship that does not go beyond gossip, the discussion of poor relationships, the comparison of material things and an abundance of he said she said….run, do not walk to the nearest exit. Drama is a form of entertainment; however, drama in your life is not something you should entertain—Find a better flock!

After spending countless hours on the phone giving my girlfriends relationship thoughts (since I don't like to give advice) I decided that I should share my thoughts on common relationship situations that many women face.  From initial meetings, long term relationship to marriage; I've been asked about it all.

I pride myself on not judging others as everyone makes mistakes and everyone's tolerance of situations are different. I can only try to show you a different perspective of a situation so that you can make the decisions that are best for you. Stay tuned...